An Addict's Crisis: How to Make a Coffee Filter Out of a Paper Towel

(This post is a How To on emergency coffee filters. If that is what you are here to read, you are given permission to scroll down to the picture tutorial. Everyone else just here to read must read  my narcissistic ramblings first. No scrolling for you.)

I suffer from an addiction that I have mentioned in a few posts before.

If I don't drink coffee in the morning there will be some other unhappy people out there. Because let's face it, I won't be the only one miserable if I have a headache and feel like I'm moving at .00001 mph. I'm going to bring everyone else down with me.

I opened the cupboard getting ready to make my cup of coffee. Now Dave worked last night so I didn't take out the stuff we buy in bulk. Oh no. I took out the expensive flavored stuff that he forbade me from buying because it "wasn't worth it". But I threw in the cart as my personal coffee for when he was sleeping, because it was delicious and said, "Fine you don't have to drink it."

He smiled and moved on to find his chocolate chip granola bars un-phased.

Boys.

But as I sifted through my bags of tea I'll never drink and old bottles of honey I realized that I was missing a very important element to my coffee making detail: FILTERS.

This shouldn't have been a surprise because I think Mr. Wonderful pointed out they were about to run out 2 days ago. I was clearly doing something important like reading a magazine or talking about Sister Wives. Or something.

Panic set in. I didn't know what to do.

via

 And I wasn't going to do something crazy like try and filter it with my fingers or back or something.

I'm sorry I just found this on pintrest when I searched for coffee. I mean...WTF. Bad idea.

 via

So I did what any other 20-something human being would do; I googled how to make one out of a paper towel.

I found lots of "how tos" online like this one. And because I'm fabulous and know at least 24 people like me, (Yeah that's right, I only awknowledge my followers as liking me. Jump on that bandwagon.) I decided to make my own tutorial.


Step 1:   Cut a hole in the box. 
Grab a paper towel. Fold it in half into a rectangle hotdog style. Then fold it in half again so it's a square.

This is the part where all of you homeowners smile and are happy that you don't rent because your counters are not lime green diner-like colors with little boomerangs. Congratulations, your kitchen doesn't hurt your eyes.

Step 2: Open it up so 3 pieces are in one side, and one piece of it is on the other. Model it with your fabulous purple nail polish that is chipping and needs to be redone.

Step 3:  After you put it in the coffee maker you'll notice that it sticks up a little and your coffee maker won't close. That's an issue. Cut the paper towel so it does.

Oh yeah, your eyes are not deceiving you. That nasty countertop is on the walls too.

Step 4: Put your scoops of coffee in and fill it up with water. A lot of the tutorials I read said not to do a lot since the grounds may seep through. I did about 5 "cups" worth of coffee.

Step 5: Start coffee, check on your dog to make sure it still thinks it is a cat and it's acceptable to stand on the top of the couch, and watch the coffee drizzle in your un-caffeinated haze.

Step 6: When it's done, poor yourself a big ole cup o' joe that is about to spill over your cup, and you're done!

I'm sure there are chemicals in the paper towel that are going to kill me eventually, so this will only be done in emergency situations.

Oh, and when I forget to listen to your husband giving me the grocery list.