Yay for Friday!

If someone could let me in on how it's already the end of this week, and at the same time how it's already May, I would greatly appreciate it.
I mean it's been a crazy one friends. Good, but fast forward mode the entire time.

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I have comments to reply to, a post for a little award I was nominated for,  some coaching stuff,  and 2397893845238 things for school to do. Maybe I'll fit in some family time before I start my summer job in two weeks.

OY VEY.

But, for today, I just want to start my Friday morning with some good feelings. This morning I'm just going to share some songs that I've been listening to on repeat, and you should be too.


Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton- Can't Hold Us

I loved Macklemore's thrift shop, this was a definite great second single to get keep him in the public eye. It is catchy and Ray Dalton (the guy who sings the chorus) just has the most adorable voice.
If this song doesn't make you want to go work-out or go dancing then please go home.

Tegan and Sara- Closer

Not to get all hipster on you, but I've been listening to Tegan and Sara since I was in college. I love these twin ladies who rock. Their new single, "Closer" is one of those dance-around-in-your-bra-and-workout-shorts-while-singing-into-your-hairbrush kind of song.
Not that I have...

Robyn- Call Your Girlfriend

I'm sure I've already posted this here but I don't care. This song has been around for a while and A LOT of people have covered it. But I don't care, this has been that song that when I'm at home alone I turn up, spaz out and dance to, mouth the words to my dog, and just enjoy. You can too.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert

Another Macklemore song. Not as catchy or trendy as "Thriftshop" or "Can't Hold Us". This one isn't one that I like to dance to, but it has a really nice sound to it and I love the message.
Worth a listen.

Emeli Sande- Next to Me

This song is not that new. I've been listening to it on the radio, humming along, and not really paying attention to the lyrics. So when I actually payed attention to them today on the radio, I realized that this song is essentially about my husband. Not to get all sappy on you, but this guy is literally the most loyal person I know, and I have no clue how he puts up with my sassy-pants.
And believe me, my sassy-pants have been on quite regularly lately. 
So, I'm belting this song out in my car, with the windows down as a shout-out to the mister.

What songs do you have playing on repeat this week? Let me know with a comment.

Stay Awkward, 
Tricia

Believing in Karma

I've believed in a lot of things during my life time.

God.
Jesus.
Santa.
Myself.
Other people.
The fact that I couldn't believe in other people.
Other people again.
That maybe what I've believed in, isn't something I should put belief in at all.
A love that lasts a lifetime.
That I could do anything I set my mind to.
That I could never do anything.
That I could do anything I set my mind to again.
The tooth fairy.
That my dog can read my mind.

Some of these things turned out to be things I could have faith in, others not so much.
(Man was that whole Santa thing a bummer.)

But one thing I wasn't ever quite sure about was Karma.

It's a nice idea.
If I do something good, eventually I will benefit from this action and receive good on my end later on.

I've always had faith or religion, but I've never really put too much thought towards Karma. I always just tried to do good things because hey, that's nice.
And if I caught myself doing something "bad" I stopped myself because, well that's bad.
And I didn't want to be bad.

And of course I use phrases like, "I guess Karma's a bitch!" and "This will definitely bring you good karma."  But it never really meant anything. I guess for me, Karma meant, okay I didn't something good, and I mean if I wait long enough something else good will happen because well, I waited long enough and that's just bound to happen.

What I think I'm trying to say here is as an early twenty something year old who has had my own beliefs in how the world works through my own faith, and then lost some faith, and then maybe found it again, I didn't give much thought to this idea that seems to make sense but also seems a little silly to believe in.
Never mind the fact that it's closely related to another faith that is widely different than mine. (You know the one that I've been lost then found, then lost, and now maybe finally found again?)

But then last school year happened.

And it was really, really, really hard.

Both professionally and personally.

At school I was creating a curriculum up on the fly that should have been divided into two separate classes, and then trying to teach it to some of my most behaviorally and academically challenging students I'd ever had.
At the end of every day I was physically and emotionally exhausted.
I kept on giving every single ounce of what I had to my career and my students both in and out of school. I tried to look at the positives. I had wonderful teammates that always had my back and tried to celebrate the little things that went well at work.

My personal life was a break and relief from what was going on at school. But I didn't take care of myself the way I should. I wasn't taking enough time off, I wasn't working out, I wasn't focusing on family, friends, my faith or even my marriage the way I'd like to. I was so consumed in surviving the school year that everything else took the back burner.

But, I continued to work hard. I put in my best effort. And the only way for me to get through that was by staying positive, and trying to do the right thing by my students everyday just because it was the right thing to do.

Now I didn't really think about the word Karma much during the school year. I think the closest I got to it was thinking, "What did I ever do to deserve all of this." More of a whoa is me, why am I being punished when I'd just had a bad day.

The school year ended and I moved on. I slowly started to feel like a person with a life outside of work. I knew that I'd learned a lot but it was hard for me to put the year into perspective. I mostly focused on making some extra money and trying to take care of everything that had fallen to the wayside during the school year.

Then September rolled around. I got anxious. I was nervous. If last year was like last year would I make it? Was it always going to be that hard?

I went through the first day of school.
And it was the easiest first day of school yet.
But I wouldn't hold my breath because hey, it's just the first day of school.

And then I made it through my first week of school.
And it was the most pleasant first week of school yet.
But I wouldn't hold my breath because hey, it's just the first week of school.

And now I've made it almost through my first month of school.
And it has been probably the best first month of school yet.

Now the schedule this year confusing, with few breaks, and from what I've been told by some of the veteran's in the building the hardest one to follow that they've seen; and I am still creating a new curriculum because I'm teaching Humanities again but this time to 7th graders; and of course there are always going to be students not on grade level; and there are always going to be students that take every ounce of patience and positivity that I can muster to make it through the day.

BUT.

Something's different.

The problems are manageable. The solutions are easier to find. I'm happier. The lessons and units are coming to me easier and unfolding more smoothly.

And at home? I have more energy. I'm taking care of more things like I vowed I'd try to. And I'm finding more time to take care of myself. I'm working out. I'm eating better. I'm keeping in touch with friends and seeing my family much more often than I did last year.

Maybe things are easier for me this year because I grew as a teacher.
Maybe things are easier because I spent so much time trying to come up with things that were positive to reassure myself that it just comes naturally.
Maybe things are easier because things this year are just easier.

But after those first few days of school one word kept popping up in my head.

Karma.

I knew it.

No matter the reason, I felt like whatever was happening to me and my life starting this school year had to do with the word Karma.

I knew that I was somehow now receiving whatever hard work and good that I'd sent out into the world last year.

And it was exactly what I needed.

Is life perfect? No. Because that's not how life, or at least I think, Karma works.

Do I think that I'm a little happier this year because of the good I put out into the world coming back to me? I sure do.

So tomorrow, or maybe even sometime later this week or the next when things get tough. When you don't feel like giving to others because you would like to give to yourself. When what is good and right thing to do isn't easy. When you'd like to put your needs in front of the needs of someone else.

Think about Karma. 

It may not come your way when you want it, but it will most definitely come your way when you need it.

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Think good thoughts, and do good deeds this week.
I'll send some good Karma your way. ;)

That Time I Broke Into A House

Okay, fine it was my house. I just thought that title would make you want to read a little further into the post. And I was apparently successful since you're still reading right?

Now that I've tricked you to keep reading I'll explain myself a little further

I had wonderful weekend ahead of me: my teacher workshop day that was on Friday was actually a day off for me because we made it up last summer, hubby's plans fell through with friends so I got him to myself for the weekend, and HUNGER GAMES MOVIE IS IN THEATERS!!! *cue girlish scream*

Things were looking up from my uber stressful week and especially stressful Thursday afternoon.

So at noon on Friday I had already updated my blog and watched a few self-esteem boosting episodes of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and was ready to head outside. It was 70 degrees in the middle of the March, which, for those of you who don't live in Maine is about as likely as there not being a fight during an episode of "The View".  (For those of you not familiar with daytime programming and the craziness that is Elizabeth Hasselback, that is not very likely.)

Before I got into my sunbathing attire to enjoy the sun, I wanted to take a peak outside on my deck to see if it was too windy to actually enjoy myself.

Let me give you a verbal tour of my apartment/humble abode before I get too far into this story. I live on the second floor of a two apartment house. When I walk into my house I head up the stairs, you can either head into my apartment, or go through another door that goes onto a half screened-in cement porch, and then even further out to a wooden outdoor deck. Not huge, just enough for maybe three or four people to sunbathe. Or for one person to get stuck on.
 Let's not get mixed-up over details.

Here's a photo of the deck for those of you who just skimmed the last paragraph because you're sick of reading and just want to get to the part where I go all Bad-Ass and break some glass:

Now just imagine the way to get out to that is another full door, and a cement screened in porch and you have yourself a nice mental picture of what I was getting myself into.

As I open the door to the screened in porch I am very careful to leave the door wide open that leads to our entryway because it locks. How do I know this?
BECAUSE MY LITTLE SISTER LOCKED HERSELF OUT ON THE PORCH LAST SUMMER.

That's right folks, what was about to happen to me happened to my sister last summer when she was staying with us. She went out for a nice little lunch with my dog, tried to head back in and realized she was locked out. Now at this point it was mid-summer and SUPER hot out so she didn't want to wait until someone came home because she was worried about dehydration, the dog trying to jump off, neighbors noticing she was stuck up there and taking the opportunity to break in, and I guess panicked a little bit in general.
So what did she do? She went ninja and jumped off the building.
And when I say she jumped off I mean, she first strategically tossed couch cushions that were on my landlord's outdoor couch that was kept on the screened portion of the deck, down below onto the 1st floor porch. She then dangled herself off of a gutter and dropped herself onto the couch cushions and porch about 6 feet below.
She hustled her way back upstairs, let the dog back in, and voila everyone was fine.

So, like I said, I did not want to end up like her because not only was I still in my pajamas but I had made fun of her for that incident after it too many times to let myself get into it.

As I made my way out I opened the door wide so I wouldn't end up like that silly little ninja sister of mine.

There were even some sneakers in the way so I was more than fine right?

I thought I was being silly because Dave had unlocked the door a few nights before when we had a friend over and we went outside to sit on the deck, it being a fake summer and all.

So I walk out onto the outdoor deck and quickly made the executive decision that I would be spending the afternoon outside. My inner monologue went a little something like this:

Okay, it's a little breezy out but definitely sunny enough to stay warm. Definitely tanning weather, maybe I could get into a bikini and get a good base going before I....

SLAM

Shit.

I spun around to behold the door slammed shut by that cute little aforementioned breeze. 

I thought as I race walked my way to the door, It's unlocked from the other night though right? Dave wouldn't lock it again, that would be silly.  Please don't be locked, please don't be locked.

IT WAS LOCKED.

I proceeded  to swear for a little bit, paced around, and tried the door handle a couple more times. 

I weighed my options out.

I could wait out here, it was about noon when I last looked at the time. I could just hang out here and lay out on...the boards with nails sticking up from them...

I could make a phone call...if I had brought my cell phone with me...but of course I didn't because I was planning on being out here for 20 seconds. 

Alright, well if my little sis could jump off this deck then I could right?
One peer over the ledge led me to two conclusions:

 1. That was a far fall without couch cushions at the bottom and 

2. That gutter held my sister, who is like 100 pounds when wet. I my friends, am more than 100 pounds when wet and would snap that gutter in a heartbeat. 

I also suddenly remembered that I have an aptitude for being a bit clumsy and envisioned myself accidentally slamming up against the first floor apartment on my way down, snapping off siding as I clawed at the house like a mad person, somehow punch myself in the ribs by flailing around so much, breaking my arm, and for the grand finale landing on the porch railing below and flipping over straight onto my face.

With those first two conclusions and now that graceful visualization of my fall stuck in my brain, jumping off was no longer an option. 

I had a moment of jealousy where I envied my sister's gutter dropping skills and then moved on to the next idea.

I looked around past my backyard and around the neighborhood. I could yell to a neighbor....if it wasn't the middle of the day during the work week. I listened closely and thought I heard some voices. 

I then realized that while they were voices, they were the voices of youths, also with the day off, and in the middle of a fight. Hmmm, I'll leave them to it. The more I looked around my neighborhood I decided it wasn't a good idea to yell around for random help since it's what one may call....a little sketchy in parts. 

Alright, fine, back to waiting. I can wait for four hours until Dave comes home. I'll be fine.

And then I realized that I had to pee. I really had to pee. REALLYREALLYHADTOPEE. Because of course I had two cups of coffee that morning and of course my nervous bladder had to kick in. 

This is the part of the story where panic sets in. 

I walked back to the door hoping maybe Harry Potter had stopped by and decided to do me a favor. 

Nope. 

Damn you Potter.

I pushed the door a little. It was bendy, HEY maybe I can break this down!

I channeled a little Detective Eliot Stabler and started pushing with my hips. They've got to be good for something right?

Unfortunately, the door was a little old and bendy, but the lock was not. 

Oh gosh, not only was that an absolute failure, but now I have to go even more than before since I've got things going in there. *Sniff* Ugh, did I even put deodorant on? 

God, some one's going to find me passed out from trying to break down the door, dehydrated, sun-burnt, (because it being mid-march I clearly have no base tan), in my pajamas, in a puddle of my own urine, with no deodorant on.

*Sorry for those of you who did not expect for my inner monologue to get gross. I was panicking. And I'm irrational. And a little crazy. I do teach middle school. Just keeping it real friends.*

So I look at the glass on the door. 

I can smash that. Smash it with my fists. Yeah! I can wrap my hand up for school on Monday in white gauze and I'll get total street cred. YEAH.

After about 3 "punches" into the glass I gave up. I didn't want glass in my hand, I don't want any street cred. I just wanted to go to the bathroom and be on this porch on my own terms. With some deodorant. And my phone so I could play solitaire and update facebook on how nice it was outside.

I looked around, ugh there is so much random stuff out here there had to be something I could use. 

Old litter box-Ew and Nope.

Weird fabric-y stool- That could work, buuuut it was our landlords, and I wanted to get out of this with as little damage to other people's property as possible. So no.

Christmas tree stand- Also not ours, and throwing something through the glass seemed more dangerous than punching the glass.

Two old rugs- Too soft, wait why are those even here?

Couch cover- Not effective for breaking, but I could tan on that if I'm forced to live my life out here...hmm...

Then I saw it:

A piece of wood. My accomplice. Or should I say my wartime battering ram.

Since I was in a tank-top I decided to wrap myself up in the couch cover, you know, since glass apparently can't penetrate cloth or something.

The first few times I tried using as little force as possible in the corners of the window so I didn't smash the whole thing up and get glass everywhere. That wasn't going to work. Looks like I can't be dainty about this.

I took a breath in and gave it a good shove. 

*SmashorShatterorWhateverthesoundisthatglassmakesyougettheidea*

I looked up from my newly assembled cape. Yep, that about did it. It was shattered, and the glass was everywhere.

I had a moment where I felt pretty bad ass, and then realized I had 5 feet of glass to make it through so I felt less like a criminal and more like a 24 year old female that has never committed and crime and still had to go to the bathroom.

Because I was, of course, in my bare feet, I now had no way to get to the door without cutting up my feet. But then I realized I looked like a fool with a couch cover on me like some living room superhero and laid it down over the glass. I walked up to the door, reached through the pane, and presto I was out. 

I grabbed some flip flops right next to my door to make my way to my apartment, past the rest of the glass. I went into my apartment and found a very distressed doggie, and not distressed at all cat. I went to the bathroom, and the next thing I did was OBVIOUSLY grab my phone to take pictures to text Dave. And of course share with you. 

Enjoy the gallery of photos that I would like to call :

What Damage Tricia Can Cause When Left Unsupervised On Her Day Off

 

Fortunately, the hubs and I have priced out the fix. It will be no more than 20 bucks DIY. 

*Phew*

And the lesson to be learned from this experience?

Always check to make sure the door is unlocked before going out onto the porch. 

Or just teach Bruin how to use an iPhone to call for help.

A dog using a cell phone is much cuter than a human checking a lock. 

I think we all know the clear choice here. ;-)

Who Needs A Therapist When You Have Blogger

*Unapologetic apology for not blogging, or even logging into blogger at all for a week.*

I went to yoga today.

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I became one with my mat. I stretched, folded, bended, and sweat. And most importantly, I focused on how stiff my old lady neck is and my breathing, not on all that I have going on right now.

As I entered my state of nothingness in my savasana pose, a thought that I had before I let it float away on a cloud was that I needed to update this here blog.

Because you know, you've all been deprived of a constant play by play of my life.

But like I said I let that thought float away on a cloud in my head soon after. God I love yoga.

That was one of the few things that needed to be self swept out of my mind on water vapor.

One of those other things is school. I'm officially back in the classroom and teaching classes. And for some reason I am more exhasuted than ever. My students are quite the active group. Don't get me wrong, they're hilarious and I love them. I have laughed a lot the past few weeks. They're just a lot of energy.

On top of that, I have the planning I need to do. You see I have the what, the where, the who, but the how is a little foggy. As I skim through my past Language Arts units and delve into the geography book that I don't want to rely on, I start to get a little more and more stressed about how it's all going to get covered in a year. Oh don't worry, it'll get done. I just am afraid of the amount of time that I am going to be spending at school.

Speaking of time...could someone look into getting more of that into the day? The week? I have been spending a lot of time at school lately. My team and I are committed to working together and cooperative learning, and my classroom is still putting itself together. So the average time has been around 6.

 And the weekends? Now that the seasons over I'm done serving frozen custard to people who are certifiably crazy I should have time available to do what I need to do. (I'm not joking. Our customers are out of their mind. But my coworkers are oh so fabulous, so it evens out.) But somehow, I am booked for many of the upcoming Saturdays and Sundays in the next couple of months.

So there should be no surprise when I tell you that my body is punishing me. My stomach's been doing some funny stuff lately, accepting some stuff and not the other. Hungry one moment and then I can't eat my lunch the next.

The worst has been my sleep. Gahhhhhh the sleep. I go to bed early, I take forever to fall asleep and then I toss and turn. Same goes for when I go to bed on time, or even when I go to bed late.

Now, I can do without a bad night's sleep here and there. But not 3 weeks in a row. (Yes all of you mommies out there, you have done it and continue to do it. That's just fantastic and I admire what you do. But I'm literally a big baby so I can't handle it. It's not my fault I haven't had a person come out of me and gained all of your crazy super powers yet. I am still but a mere human.)

When I was waking up I wasn't thinking about my ongoing to do list that goes on for days or bills or where to fit people in on the weekends. But I had a feeling that these new sleeping patterns and flip flopping digestive systems were not on accident.

Clearly, I'm dealing with some stress here kids.

And as I rocked in my boat position on my yoga mat I thought about how nice it felt to take care of myself for the first time in a while. Granted, I went to the gym last week, but felt like I was sleepwalking on my way to the car on the way and I think literally died on my couch when I got home. Sweat, drool and everything. Just dead.

I know that when I started this blog it was a way for me to kind of get all my crazy thoughts and stressors out of my head. A way of saving Dave from a case of verbal diarrhea every night when I get home about everything that happened that day.

Unfortunately, this blog has fallen to the way side of everything else that hasn't gotten done. But if I've learned anything these past two weeks it's been:
1. Desks with chairs attached will never fit nicely in a classroom no matter how big.
2. Never drink two cups of coffee and not eat anything before you go to yoga at 3:30 when your lunch was at 10:30.
3. I need to make writing here a priority, or else I might go crazy.

So, now that it's midnight, I will push post, brush my teeth and head to bed. And hopefully, now that I have things written down and I've put all of  my thoughts into their proper place, (But not my classroom, we'll save that for 6:30 AM tomorrow morning) I'm hoping I'll get some shut eye with no interruptions.

And I will be back here at some other point this week with something other than ramblings that only make sense to me when I squint my eyes. Maybe I'll share a video of Bruin running in his sleep or pins that I found on pintrest when I should've been doing laundry.

You know, for my health.