Below Average Choices

So I've been known to make below average choices.

I want to say bad, or horrible, but I feel like that's too strong.

FOR INSTANCE.

I feel like a horrible choice would be like robbing a bank.

And a bad choice isn't so detrimental to others buuuut maybe more so to yourself. Like riding a horse while drunk, or some other "not completely safe all of the time" activity while inebriated.

I don't think on good faith I can say my choices usually fall under these categories as I'm not hurting myself or others, I'm not going to get thrown in jail, and I'm not going to end up with a hoof on my face. 

But sometimes my choices are below average.

Exhibit 1: I got married in February. Dave and I JUST went through all of my photos and picked the 60-80 (we only whittled it down to 100 whoops) photos for the album. The website where they are displayed shuts down in 7 days for our photos, so it was important that we get it done. But it really hadn't been a priority for us. Procrastination much? Below average choice.

Exhibit 2: After Exhibit 1 literally took us all morning, once 2:30 rolled around I realized I needed to be at work in an hour and a half and I had planned on making it to the gym. Especially after the previous night's fudgsicle fiasco . I had to do some physical activity so I didn't feel like poop. I asked Dave to go on a run with me. In the mid-afternoon, 70+ degree, muggy heat. Below average choice.

I haven't gone for a run for some time as I've been hitting different machines at the gym. I told Dave I wanted to go for a few minutes longer that I had in the past, fully knowing that it was gross out and I hadn't run for a couple of weeks. Below average choice.

All of these below average choices resulted in me getting home 30 minutes before serving custard, red in the face, upset with what I was able to do and upset with myself for signing up for a 10k in August that I don't know if I will be able to do. Oh but I don't have time for all of this I must shower and look pretty so I get tips. Gah.

I officially received a high D in choice making yesterday.

I headed off to work, where, because of my emotional pitfalls I knew I would make a below average choice in custard eating decisions.

While I was at work I decided to ask Dave to buy this for when I came home:

Yes that's a scale. Yes how very 90's of us I know.

Dave texted me right after he got it with the weight of the dog. Of course.

Because I've heard everyone say it all, "Oh just watch your portions you'll be fine" and "Don't weigh yourself, it's just a number. You'll know how it feels in your jeans."

Well yeah, I do feel it in my jeans Mr. Unsolicited advice. That's the issue. And because I have been making below average choices I know that if I don't have some solid number to cling on to, a set goal to reach, then I am going to continue down the same path. What I've been doing hasn't been working. I need a little more accountability.

So on the ride home I thought of the most horrific number that I could find on the scale when I got home. No not like 1000 pounds, but a number that I thought would be actually possible and horrible to find.

When I arrived home Dave told me what he weighed and when I cited my unsure-ity he told me not to step on until I was absolutely ready, and that I shouldn't pressure myself unless I felt like that was what I had to do. He supports me no matter what. Damn I love this guy.

When I stepped on the looming black thing in my bathroom,  I didn't find that number, it was lower, but still higher than the number I saw in high school and college.

But, because it's lower than that number that I psyched myself out about, it is manageable.

No mental breakdown today.

And because I now have a number, something tangible, not just a feeling, and something to measure myself by and hold myself accountable with, I  think my choices are going to start being below average, and start reaching above.