Feel Awkward? Oh Let Me Help You Feel Better About Yourself.

There are times in my life when I look back at my day and I think:
Is this real life?  Noooo, noooo. This is just too awkward and outrageous for this to actually be the life I live. I must have forgotten that I'm actually Kristen Wiig in her newest movie playing the loveable but clumsy friend that gets herself into silly mix-ups all the time. That's it.

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Today was one of those days.

I had the great idea this morning that before I went into work at my summer job at a frozen custard stand I would go to the gym. Not only would I go to the gym, but I'd also bring a little bag and shower there like all of those important adults seem to do. What a plan! How grown up!

So my first mistake was apparently being overambitious. The universe apparently does not like people with killer legs and an increased lung capacity.

So between spending a little too much time on the internet machine this morning and talking with my MIL on the phone, I was running a little later then I had intended.

That's fine, I'll just cut out my arm workout today. No big deal. I'm still going to the gym and getting an awesome workout in. Go me!

I continued to pack my gym bag, super proud of myself when I remembered my shower sandals which I had of course forgotten last time.

I went out to the car and dropped my bag off while letting the dog out and realized that I'd forgotten a hairdryer. I decided my hair could just dry itself. I'll hang my head out the window. It's fine. I brought the dog back in and got into the car.

About 30 seconds after I'd left, I realized I forgot to lock my apartment door. I looked at the time.
 It was cutting it close.
But alas, after thinking about how all of my students were on summer vacation too running rampant through the neighborhood, I went back and locked the door. If I can't trust them to do their homework on a regular basis, I don't know if I could trust them not to break into my house to hang out with my dog and cat.

Okay. Let's get to the gym. I can get at least 45 minutes on the elliptical and some abs. Man I am such an adult. Look at me being motivated after all of this!

I got two minutes into my drive to the gym.
SHIT I FORGOT TO PACK A TOWEL.
I look at the time. It's cutting it really close.
Do I go back? Do I go to the gym and not shower before work?


I know, I wanted a magazine anyway. Hannaford is on the way I'll stop in there, get a cheap towel from their beach section, and get a magazine on the way out. I can read about people I want to be and  foods to eat for dinner. Gosh maybe after reading the magazine I'll have it all together!


So I fast-walk into the grocery store looking like I'm going to pee my pants. First thing, I run into a parent of a former student. He starts making chit-chat, I word vomit out a few things about my life and when I've come-to after the conversation I've ended up in produce.
In a moment of panic I grab some berries and head off to the beach section.

Obviously there are no towels.

But there were plenty of fitness magazines to lower my self esteem. I make my way out of the store. We're down to just cardio for the day. That's fine, I'm going to the gym before work. I am awesome.

As I pull into the gym and I think about how it'll be hard to dry my hair without a towel or hair dryer,

LORD ALMIGHTY I FORGOT A HAIRBRUSH TOO. SOLID WORK.

In the parking lot I decided to go through my bag to see what I actually did have:
 My work shirt, a pair of shorts, jeans, my work shirt, clean underwear(PHEW), two different bras(?), a pair of socks that were either clean or just had been in my bag so long they could pass as it, and of course my shower sandals and shampoo.

I decided to rummage through my trunk as I'd cleaned some stuff out of my classroom but the boxes never made their way into the house. I pulled a random gray t-shirt from a box (makeshift mini towel?) and sorted through my desk junk.

LO! A miracle! My desk hoarding finally came in handy when I pulled out one of those pocket 2 in 1 mirror/hairbrush tools.

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  Thank you dollar section at target!

So I set out to do my workout, which was down to 40 minutes of cardio. I read up on why my eating habits are the worst and what exercises will give me Michelle Obamas arms. I also started to think about the logistics of the locker room. I usually had a towel so I could head from the shower to partitioned changing area to change more comfortably. This would not be an option.

I'm going to pause this long winded story right here.
 I know a lot of people out there are just as comfortable taking their clothes off and walking around in their birthday suit as they are with letting their hair down.
But as a 24 year old girl working in the community as an educator, with the possibility of parents and students walking into that very same locker room and the fact that some of the people at this gym are sometimes a sketch-fest, letting it all hang loose and free in the locker-room isn't really my thing. That's a moment my community and I don't need to share.

So it looked like I'd be finagling my way into clothing half soaked within the 2 foot by 2 foot shower covered in mildew.
I mean at least I had shower sandals right?

By the time I get to the locker room I have about 20 minutes to doll myself up and skidaddle to work. Mirror check: I was greasy and red so I had no choice but to rinse.

My phone went off. I found it in the mess that was my bag that somehow was missing everything essential to shower.
 It was an email.
Groupon wanted to let me know that there was a discount on towel sets.

I literally can not make this up.

I made my way to the shower stalls and picked the one most hidden from the rest of the locker room. I hung up my old basketball t-shirt/towel for the day outside the shower.

It was quick and I was super careful not to touch the walls because public showers are scary.

Now this was the fun part. The post-shower shuffle began.

I'll spare you the details but here are a few key points:
1. T-shirts make horrible towels. They can dry off probably one leg before rendering useless.
2. My hair is thick.  Its luxurious thickness really gets a chance to shine when soaked and being brushed by something that I'm pretty sure could've been used on Barbies.
3. It's pretty hard not to touch the floor with your barefeet while slowly trying to put clothes on a half dry body. I felt like a drunk flamingo.
4. Murphy's law of the locker room: someone will always walk by right as you're opening your shower curtain to grab another piece of clothing or hang up a questionably wet t-shirt.
5. Nothing was dry when I was done.
6. When you're trying to balance, keep clothing dry, whip your hair around to dry it out, and do it quick fashion to make it to work, you make a lot of unintended weird grunts and squeaks.

So what did I learn from this experience? This weird morning where things weren't bad, but just kind of weird like the twilight zone?

Well, since I don't work until the afternoon tomorrow I could pack my bag tonight, make sure I have everything, and go bright and early in the morning to the gym.

Oooooor, I could lay out in the sun tomorrow while reading my book or drink coffee while watching golden girls.
Because, you know, the universe doesn't need to send that message twice. Maybe I'll go back next week.
And I think the gym has had enough of me for the next few days.