No One Likes a Fake Weatherman

As you have most likely heard, and have now probably started to block out, Hurricane Irene is currently terrorizing the East Coast. North Carolina is busy trying to pick up the pieces, New York is just now getting the brunt of the damage, and us heah Mainahs are twiddling our thumbs waiting until it hits  tonight.

via

Because, you know, the best time to get hit by a tropical storm is while you're unsuspecting and sleeping in your beds.

Now, I have no idea what is going to happen, and I have no intention of making predictions. Because when you make predictions about weather you run the chances of being wrong. And I hate being wrong.

At this point, when it hits us, it's supposed to have calmed down. Think less Hurricane, and more rain storm on on steroids. Moral of the story:  who knows what the damage will be.

But you know that eeeeveryone else loves to make their predictions. Especially when you're dealing with a storm that is slowing down from all of the damage it's already done.

So here in Maine, whether it comes to blizzards, snow squals, hail or apparently hurricanes, people like to  take some sort of position of predictions and it usually falls into one of three categories:

1. The people in the middle: "I don't know if it's going to be bad, I'll hope that it's not, but if it is I have some stuff to last me a few days before the power comes back on."

2. The "Nonchalanters ": "Everyone is overexagerating! People need to chill. This isn't going to be bad, I didn't get any supplies because nothing is wrong. In fact, I think I'm going to go surfing right now!"

3. And of course, the "Super Prepared": " I now have 50 cans of tuna, 3 bathtubs of water, enough water bottles for an army, put pieces of steel up against all of my windows, and have wrapped all of my children in bubble wrap. Feel free and contact me on my transistor radio, cell phone, home phone, email, twitter, or Facebook to let me know you're OK. Whatever is easiest for you. "


Groups 2 and 3 are what we call Weather Extremists. And they looooove to be right.

The worst is after the storm, depending on how bad it is, Group 2 or 3 Rubs the outcome into the other person's face.

"Oh you didn't buy any water so you can't brush your teeth? Should've prepared!"

Or

"Man that wasn't bad at all. You all got wound up for nothing. I bet you feel stupid."

I HATE the rubbing of the weather into someone's face. It's the worst.  So if you're an extremist, please keep your mouth shut. I don't want to  hear you brag. Congratulations, you're officially a fake weatherman. Now go away.

I'd like to think I fall into Group 1. We cleaned out our gutters, found all of our headlamps. (Because when you're married to an aspiring Park Ranger you have headlamps not flashlights) charged up our laptops, ironed our clothing for tomorrow in case we have school and there's no power, and purchased some extra water.

Just enough to drink, brush my teeth, and wash my face so I don't look like a hot mess on my first day of school tomorrow.

And if the power stays on and we have water? I totally have a use for it.

That's right, I'm totally stocked up with  water for Dumbledore if nothing happens. I'm not going to apologize for it.

Now,  I do have to admit: I have practiced one form of extremism. No I'm not going surfing or putting Bruin in an indestructible steel cage.

Don't worry, I'm not a weather extremist. But I do have an extreme habit that is apparently useful during inclement weather!

As Dave and I were talking about getting things together for possible power outages, the topic of lighting came up.

And then it hit me: I have a horrible extreme hoarding problem.

Of Scented Candles.

I just love romantic lighting while I'm peeing my pants from the sound of the wind.

So worst case scenario?

Dave and I sleep in the spare room since there's a massive tree branch over ours. We lose power.  Eat soup heated from the jetboil. (I'm telling you ladies, dating a habitual camper has it's benefits.) Drink bottled water like fancy people.

AND THEN LIGHT CANDLES FOR LIGHT, WHICH ALSO JUST SO HAPPENS TO MAKE OUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE A FLOWERSHOP-BAKERY HYBRID.

And whatever happens after that, happens.

Stay Dry!