Making a Comback (Part 1)

It's a funny thing when something falls off your plate.

You, at some point or another, realize that your platter is totally full.  For a while you pay attention to all of the food. Whether it be the main course, side, or dessert, you make sure it all gets its own separate spot on the dish. Because letting it mix together would just be gross.
You try to balance it all as you make your way from the buffet table at this house party called life. You try not to let things get messy as you go through small awkward hallways or the crowded living room full of people socializing. You occasionally lick the edges of your plate because things will naturally start to drip a little.

Then life happens, and bumps your plate. You would've been fine if there wasn't so much stuff on it, but you thought you'd be able to handle it.

Your first reaction when something falls off is to grab it,  really quickly before anyone notices.
Its fine, 5 second rule right?  But you've got to be careful nothing else falls off, and before you know it it's been more than 5 seconds. Or to be exact 4 months and 14 days.

Maybe you're at a swanky party and you're embarrassed that you dropped anything at all. And, oh god, their dog is licking it, do I even pick it back up now? Maybe it will just go away...nope still there, but now it's old, and if I pick it up I will totally be judged for dropping it at all and people will think I'm not a very good eater, I mean blogger, and...wait what? Good eater?
It's time for this analogy to be done, I'm confused.

That's kind of what happened to this blog, it fell off my plate. I became overwhelmed with life; overwhelmed with other things that I deemed much more important or left me so exhausted I couldn't move my fingers to type when I was done with them. And once you fall out of the habit of doing something, getting back to it can be tough.
This blog unfortunately was swept underneath the metaphorical carpet and  only occasionally thought about when I took a really great photo, cooked something that was actually edible, or painted a piece of wood and called it a craft.

People in my "real" life would occasionally bring it up, "Hey, you haven't  blogged in a while." Or, "Oh gosh, this better not make it into your blog."  I'd chuckle, and make some sort of joke, and then change the conversation to something stupid like my dog, or how tired I was.

In case you read that too quickly I'm implying for you that I'm hilarious, quick witted, always tired, and obsessed with my dog.  This is important information for you to have in your back pocket.
                                                                   Please keep up.

After a while, every time it was brought up or I saw it on my bookmarks I got that weird feeling where I wanted write in my blog, but was for some reason avoiding it.(As described in the gross food analogy above.)  I'd  sometimes even get the yearning to read someone else's blog that I'd been following.  Just to check in and see how they were doing. But I knew that it would just be a reminder of mine so I stayed away. For those of you whom I follow, I'm sorry. I'll be checking in on you and commenting, I'm sure, soon enough after I finish this behemoth of a post. It'll be like that friend from high school you thought you'd finally shaken off years ago finding you in some bar and proceeding to  ask you a bunch of annoying questions about your life and talking about how great you look. And all you wanted was to dance. I'll let you dance. As soon as I compliment your new blog layouts and congratulate you on whatever new and exciting adult things are happening in your lives. PRETTYPLEASESTILLBEMY

FRIENDPLEASEPLEASE?

I don't know what I was afraid of. Graffiti spray painted on to my computer screen when I logged in like some old train-car? Negative amounts of followers? (I think I was at 48 when I last posted, seriously I still have 44? Seriously? I must be really good looking on the internet.) Blogger itself just having "YOU ARE A FAILURE I HATE YOU" written all over my dashboard?
I don't know, it was irrational and stupid.

So here I was on my February vacation. Thinking about what I needed to grade and the planning I needed to get to as I googled a picture of Sleeping Beauty in the forest. That way I could really get this coloring page in my new princess coloring book just right.
Yeah, that's right, I was coloring. Deal with it.

As I went to Google on my phone I saw that Blogger icon next to my Facebook and Pinterest icons. My stomach dropped, and I thought, oh gosh I might as well delete it. This year has been too tough, I have no time, there's no point. It was stupid to even have a blog in the first place, no one cares about my lame life and I don't need to write. 

Enter flashback of last Friday. I'm in the middle of writers workshop with about 40 students. I'm sitting on the floor trying to get anything out of this student who is refusing to write, while telling me that the assignment was stupid and I couldn't make them do it. I eventually get the student to tell me about moving to our school and I start making a list, an order of events if you will. When the student was done, they're visibly upset about what we've been talking about. They admit that it's tough to talk about this because it's been a tough time in their life. They state that they still don't understand why they need to do this type of writing and that no one else would care anyway.
 I told the student that while it can be tough, sometimes it's good for someone to write about something that's going on for them. It gives you something tangible to look at and reflect on, and can sometimes be almost therapeutic for a person. That's why, I explained, so many of our favorite songs are about heartache, pain, or tough times in someone's life. Because the artist just needed to get the emotions out in order to overcome or get past them. Also, I told the student not to worry about whether people would care, because it was for themselves. And if they worked hard to make sure that it was honest from the heart, other people would end up relating to it and caring naturally anyway. In the end, writing is good for the soul.

OH.

Looks like someone's got a big ol' case of needing to go ahead and practice what they preach.

So here I am, writing.

Because while no one may care about my lame life, and even though my time is limited, I DO need to write. I have been out of my brains stressed, overwhelmed, and at continual crossroads on different subjects within the past 4 months and 14 days. 

And while I have been occasionally taking time out for myself it's usually only in the form of a quick trip to the gym, turning my brain off completely to watch T.V., read a book,  color the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast, or plain-old just take a nap.  

These are things that are just enough to give my mind a break and soldier on through the next day. But it's not enough if I want to organize my brain and figure out where I'm going past tomorrow or keep track of what's going on in my life and what's important. 

Whether it's in a diary, on random pieces of paper, or in a blog, I need to be writing. It's kind of what keeps me from going over the edge. That's why I had a diary in middle school,  a livejournal in high school, and tons of emotional and long AIM away messages in college. 

Plus, the internet called, it missed me. When I say it missed me I mean it wanted more pictures of Bruin in ties so it could start a hilarious internet meme (wouldn't that be the best?). But for now let's just say the internet missed me.

I may have started this post yesterday afternoon and then proceed to invite two separate groups of friends over to my house in one day, gone on Pinterest 139872 different times, made a stew, cleaned my living room, swept the kitchen,  and deleted and re-written like 4 different paragraphs, but I did it. I've completed my first post since an unintentional hiatus.

I'm not going to make any promises in the way of number of posts per week I'm going to do, the type of posts I'm going to make, how awesome I intend to make my blog, or how many comments I'll make on other people's blogs. I'm going to take it day by day, and if I get to post then that's awesome. And if I don't then that's okay too. At that point I've probably either deemed it more important to hang out with real people, overwork myself,  or take a nap in my bed. But either way, I'm back.

With that said, you may or may not have noticed that the title of this post is Part 1. You're probably all wondering (all 9 of you) what could  POSSIBLY have been more important than blogging.

My second post today, Part 2, is going to be all about what I've been doing and what is new in my life since you last heard from me in October. (Two posts in a day? It's like Christmas for internet trolls!)

Think of it as one of those recaps that they do before a new episode of your favorite show; with the highlights that you've missed from other episodes and a few cute lines of dialogue. 

Don't worry, I won't post it too soon. I wouldn't want you feeling too overwhelmed with awesomeness. I get that. I feel it every day. I plan on going to the gym, stumbling around on the internet, and destroying some recipe I found on Pinterest before I put on my blogging hat again tonight. 

So take a deep breath, grab some popcorn for my next post, and in the meantime do me a little favor.

Now that I'm looking at my blog after being away from it for a while, I think I want to change the title (again). I think it's too wordy, is a little too much like some other blog titles, and doesn't quite capture the amount of sarcasm a reader might find in one post. I would love any and all suggestions on how one goes about picking a new blog title/theme, or maybe even straight up suggestions for names. 

What do you think?